“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” – Proverbs 31:25
Welcome to Financial Freedom Friday, beautiful sister! Today, we gather with peace and love to be elevated, empowered, and equipped with the knowledge that sets us free. Because true freedom isn’t just spiritual – it’s financial too.
Sister, if you’re reading this, you might be in one of two places: either you’re facing the difficult reality of divorce, or you’re planning for marriage and want to protect yourself and your future spouse financially. Wherever you are in your journey, know that you’re not alone, and there is hope ahead.
Money matters in relationships can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions are running high. But understanding how debt works in marriage and divorce isn’t just about numbers on a page – it’s about securing your future and finding peace of mind during uncertain times.
For My Sisters Walking Through Divorce
First, let me wrap you in love. Divorce is never easy, and the financial complexities can feel like salt in an already tender wound. But knowledge is power, and understanding your rights and responsibilities can help you move forward with confidence.
The Hard Truth About Joint Debts
Here’s something many women don’t realize until it’s too late: your divorce order doesn’t automatically release you from debts you signed for together. Even if the court says your ex-husband is responsible for the credit card debt, the bank or credit provider still sees you as equally liable. They weren’t part of your divorce proceedings, and they don’t have to honor what the judge decided.
This means:
- Joint credit cards remain your responsibility until they’re paid off or properly transferred
- Co-signed loans (car loans, personal loans) still hold you liable for the full amount
- Home loans with both names keep both parties responsible to the lender – even if one spouse gets to keep the house
Protecting Yourself During the Process
Document everything. Create a complete list of all debts – joint and individual. Include account numbers, balances, minimum payments, and whose name is on each account. This isn’t just helpful for your attorney; it’s essential for your financial future.
Close joint accounts immediately. Don’t wait for the divorce to be finalised. Convert joint credit cards to individual accounts or close them entirely. This prevents your ex from running up debt that you’ll be responsible for.
Monitor your credit religiously. Get copies of your credit report from all the major credit bureaux and check them monthly. Identity theft by estranged spouses is more common than you’d think.
The Different Types of Debt Division
Depending on your state, debts are handled differently:
Community Property vs Accrual System: In South Africa, we have two main marital property regimes. If you’re married in community of property (without an antenuptial contract), all assets and debts are shared equally. If you’re married out of community of property with accrual, the growth in each estate during the marriage is shared, but debts incurred individually may remain separate depending on their nature.
Separate Debts: These typically remain with the person who incurred them, but there are exceptions if the debt benefited both spouses or the joint estate.
Your Options and Rights
You have more power than you might think:
Negotiate during settlement. Push for debts to be paid off from marital assets before division, or ensure the person keeping an asset (like the house) refinances to remove your name.
The Home Loan Dilemma: When One Won’t Sell
This is one of the most heartbreaking situations I see sisters face. You want a clean break, but your ex refuses to sell the family home that still has a bond. Here’s what you need to know:
Both names on the bond = both still liable. Even if the divorce order says he gets the house and must pay the bond, the bank doesn’t care about your divorce agreement. If he stops paying, they can and will come after you for the full amount.
Your options when facing this situation:
Force the sale through court. If you’re married in community of property, you generally have the right to demand the sale of joint assets. Your attorney can apply to court for an order of sale, even if your ex objects. This might take time and cost money, but it protects your financial future.
Demand immediate refinancing. Insist that your ex refinances the bond into his name only within a specific timeframe (like 90 days) or the house gets sold. This should be written into your divorce agreement with clear consequences if he doesn’t comply.
Negotiate compensation for ongoing risk. If you must remain on the bond temporarily, negotiate for something in return – perhaps a larger share of other assets or ongoing payments to offset your risk.
Monitor the bond religiously. If you’re stuck on a bond temporarily, set up alerts so you know immediately if payments are missed. The sooner you know, the sooner you can take action.
Know your recourse. If your ex defaults on the bond after agreeing to pay it, you can take him back to court for contempt of the divorce order. You can also pay the bond yourself to protect your credit and then sue him for reimbursement.
When unemployment complicates everything. If you’re unemployed during the divorce, refinancing into your name isn’t possible, and this can feel like being trapped. But you still have options:
- Seek spousal maintenance that specifically covers your share of bond payments until you can get back on your feet
- Apply for legal aid if you can’t afford an attorney to force the sale
- Consider a joint sale agreement where proceeds are split but the house sells within a specific timeframe
- Negotiate a delayed sale with clear milestones – perhaps six months to find work, then the house must be sold
- Explore family assistance – can a family member help you buy out his share or assist with legal costs?
Remember sister: Being unemployed doesn’t make you powerless. Don’t let anyone use your temporary financial situation to trap you in long-term liability. Your future financial security is worth more than avoiding conflict today.
Consider debt consolidation. Sometimes it makes sense to consolidate joint debts into one spouse’s name during the proceedings.
Know your state’s laws. Some states protect spouses from debts incurred by their partners without their knowledge.
For My Sisters Planning Marriage
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Talking about money before you say “I do” might not feel romantic, but it’s one of the most loving things you can do for your future together.
Before You Walk Down the Aisle
Have the conversation. Sit down together and lay everything on the table – all debts, credit scores, spending habits, and financial goals. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about partnership.
Consider an antenuptial contract. I know, I know – it doesn’t sound romantic. But think of it as a financial roadmap that protects both of you. An ANC can:
- Keep your individual debts separate
- Protect family inheritances or business assets
- Establish how future debts will be handled
- Include or exclude the accrual system
- Create clear expectations about financial responsibilities
Your Protection Options
Keep some accounts separate. Even in marriage, maintaining individual credit cards and bank accounts can protect your credit score and provide financial independence.
Understand your marital property regime. Know whether you’re married in community of property or out of community of property (with or without accrual), as this significantly affects how debts are handled during divorce.
Create a debt repayment plan together. If either of you brings debt into the marriage, make a plan for paying it off that doesn’t burden the debt-free spouse unfairly.
Consider life insurance and disability coverage. Protect each other from the financial burden if something unexpected happens.
Practical Steps for Every Sister
Building Your Financial Foundation
Establish your own credit history. Whether married or single, having credit in your name protects your financial future.
Create an emergency fund. Even $500 can make a huge difference when facing unexpected legal or moving expenses.
Know your rights. Familiarise yourself with South African matrimonial property law and how it affects debt division.
When to Seek Professional Help
Don’t try to navigate complex financial situations alone. Consider consulting:
- A family law attorney for legal advice about debt division under South African law
- A financial advisor for guidance on rebuilding your financial life
- A debt counsellor registered with the NCR if debts feel overwhelming
- A family mediator if you want to work cooperatively on financial settlements
Moving Forward with Hope
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Whether you’re walking through the valley of divorce or standing at the threshold of marriage, remember that your financial situation doesn’t define your worth or your future. You have the strength and wisdom to make informed decisions that protect yourself and those you love.
Money problems feel permanent when you’re in the middle of them, but they’re not. With knowledge, planning, and sometimes professional help, you can build a secure financial foundation for whatever comes next.
Taking Action
Your next steps depend on where you are:
If you’re facing divorce:
- Gather all financial documents immediately
- Consult with a family law attorney
- Close or freeze joint accounts
- Start monitoring your credit monthly
If you’re planning marriage:
- Have honest conversations about debt and money
- Consider whether an antenuptial contract makes sense for your situation
- Decide whether to marry in or out of community of property
- Create a plan for handling existing debts
- Discuss your financial goals and boundaries
For everyone:
- Build and maintain your own credit history
- Create an emergency fund, even if small
- Stay informed about your rights and options
- Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
You Are Not Alone
Financial challenges in relationships are more common than you might think. The shame and isolation you might feel are real, but they don’t have to define your journey. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can walk alongside you.
Your financial future is worth fighting for, and you have everything within you to create the secure, peaceful life you deserve.
Remember: This information is for educational purposes and shouldn’t replace professional legal or financial advice. Every situation is unique, and South African matrimonial law can be complex. When in doubt, consult with qualified professionals who can provide guidance specific to your circumstances.
Have you faced this situation? Share your experience in the comments—we heal and learn together.
We’re here to support you on your financial journey. If this post helped you, please share it with another sister who might need this encouragement. Together, we’re stronger.