“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:21
Friend, can we talk honestly for a moment?
That package that just arrived at your door? The one you ordered at 2am when you couldn’t sleep? I see you. The way you quickly hide the Woolworths bags in your car boot before walking into the house? I’ve been there. The panic that rises in your chest when your partner asks, “How much did that cost?”—yeah, I know that feeling too.
Let me pull up a chair and be real with you: I’m not writing this as someone who has it all figured out. I’m writing this as your sister who works in finance, who’s seen the patterns in thousands of accounts (including my own), and who’s learned some hard lessons about what compulsive spending actually costs us.
Signs You Might Be a Compulsive Spender (Let’s Be Honest)
Look, we can dress it up with nice words—”I’m just a shopper,” “I like nice things,” “I work hard, I deserve it”—but if shopping has become the thing you do when you’re stressed, lonely, bored, or anxious, we need to be honest about what’s happening.
I’m not here to shame you. How can I? I’ve stood in my own closet, tags still on clothes I bought six months ago, wondering what I was thinking. I’ve avoided opening banking app notifications because I didn’t want to face the damage. I’ve justified purchases with Olympic-level mental gymnastics.
But here’s what my years in banking have taught me: compulsive spending isn’t really about the stuff. It never is.
You might be nodding along if:
- You shop to feel better when life feels hard
- You’ve lied about or hidden purchases (even to yourself)
- That shopping high lasts about 5 minutes before guilt crashes in
- You avoid looking at your bank balance—like physically feel anxious about it
- You’ve got things in your house still in packaging because the buying was the point, not the having
- Your spending has caused fights with people you love
- You know you need to stop but somehow keep finding yourself at the checkout
Sister, if any of this resonates, just… breathe. You’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re already being brave by reading this.
Why Do We Spend Compulsively? Understanding Emotional Shopping
Through my work and my own journey, I’ve realized we usually spend compulsively for deeper reasons:
We’re trying to feel something. Or trying NOT to feel something. That Zara haul isn’t about needing another black top. It’s about the 15 minutes you don’t have to think about the argument you had with your mom, or the promotion you didn’t get, or the loneliness that’s been sitting heavy on your chest.
We’re trying to prove something. In a world that constantly whispers “you’re not enough,” that designer handbag or those expensive sneakers feel like evidence that you ARE enough. That you’ve made it. That you matter.
“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” – Mark 8:36
We’ve learned this is how we cope. Maybe you grew up watching a parent shop their feelings away. Maybe love in your family came wrapped in gift paper. These patterns are deep, friend. Recognizing them is half the battle.
The South African Struggle Is Real
Can we talk about how our specific context makes this harder?
These “buy now, pay later” options? PayFlex, Mobicred, those interest-free payment plans? They’re genius marketing and dangerous traps. I’ve seen it in my own banking statements—what felt like “just R200 a month” becomes R3,000 across fifteen different accounts. Before you know it, you’re drowning.
And don’t even get me started on Instagram. We’re comparing our normal, messy, load-shedding, petrol-price-crisis lives to influencers’ carefully curated highlight reels. Then we shop to close the gap between their life and ours. Except we can’t shop our way to someone else’s reality—we just debt our way out of our own stability.
Plus, the economic stress! The rand dropping, inflation rising, wondering if there’ll be petrol next week… it all creates this chronic anxiety. And for many of us, shopping is the thing that makes us feel like we have control when everything else feels chaotic.
What It’s Actually Costing You
I’m going to be your caring but honest older sister for a second: this is costing you more than money.
It’s costing you peace. That constant low-level anxiety about your bank balance? The dread when your phone pings with a transaction notification? That’s no way to live, sis.
It’s costing you trust in your relationships. Whether you’re hiding spending from a partner, a parent, or even just from yourself, secrets create distance.
It’s costing you your future. Every rand that goes to “stuff” you bought compulsively is a rand that could have been building your emergency fund, your deposit on a home, your children’s education, your dream business.
“The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously.” – Psalm 37:21
And here’s what breaks my heart most: it’s costing you the freedom to be generous when it matters, to take opportunities when they come, to say yes to the things that actually align with who you want to be.
How to Stop Compulsive Spending: 8 Practical Steps That Work
I’m still learning, okay? But here’s what’s actually helping me and what I’ve seen work for others:
1. Get Brutally Honest
Stop with the euphemisms. I had to look at myself in the mirror and say out loud: “I’m using shopping to avoid dealing with my feelings, and it’s messing up my life.” It felt terrible and liberating at the same time.
Write it down. Tell someone safe. Confession is the beginning of freedom.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” – James 5:16
2. Notice Your Patterns
For one week, I want you to do something: every time you get the urge to shop, stop and ask yourself three questions:
- What am I feeling right now? (Be specific: not “bad” but “lonely” or “inadequate” or “bored”)
- What just happened? (Fight with someone? Scrolled Instagram? Got paid?)
- What do I think buying this will do for me?
Just notice. Don’t judge yourself. Just see the pattern. For me, it was always late at night when I was tired and stressed. For you, it might be different. Know your danger zones.
3. Make It Harder to Shop
Listen, I know myself. If shopping is easy, I’ll do it without thinking. So I’ve had to create obstacles:
- Deleted all shopping apps (yes, even Takealot—it hurt but it helped)
- Unsubscribed from every promotional email
- Removed my card details from saved browsers
- Started using cash for discretionary spending (when it’s gone, it’s gone)
- Made a rule: 72-hour waiting period for anything over R500
These aren’t permanent restrictions—they’re training wheels while I build better habits.
4. Find Better Solutions for the Real Need
Here’s what I’m learning: if I’m shopping because I’m lonely, no amount of new shoes will fix that. I need to call a friend. If I’m shopping because I feel inadequate, no handbag will solve it. I need to work on my identity in Christ.
So when the urge hits now, I try to address the actual need:
- Stressed? I go for a walk or journal or pray
- Bored? I pick up the book I’ve been meaning to read
- Feeling “less than”? I remind myself whose I am (not what I own)
It doesn’t always work. But it works more often than it used to.
5. Tell Someone
This one’s hard, but crucial. Find your person—a friend who’ll love you and hold you accountable. Give them permission to ask the uncomfortable questions.
My accountability partner has access to my banking app notifications. Yes, really. Is it vulnerable and uncomfortable? Absolutely. Has it saved me from impulsive purchases? More times than I can count.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
6. Change the Stories You Tell Yourself
We’re so good at justifying, aren’t we? “It’s on sale!” (But you didn’t need it.) “I work hard!” (Yes, and you deserve financial peace more than temporary stuff.) “Just this once!” (Is it though?)
I’ve had to learn to catch these thoughts and replace them with truth:
- “This purchase won’t solve what I’m actually feeling”
- “I deserve stability more than I deserve this temporary high”
- “My worth isn’t measured by what I own”
7. Give Your Money Jobs
This is practical banking advice: money without a purpose will disappear. I’ve had to learn to assign every rand a job:
- R1,000 to emergency fund
- R3,000 to rent
- R500 to debt repayment
- R200 to groceries
- And yes, R300 to “guilt-free spending”
When my money has assignments, I’m less likely to redirect it to compulsive purchases. It’s already working elsewhere.
8. Be Kind to Yourself
You’re going to slip up. I do. Last month I made an impulsive purchase I regretted. But instead of spiraling into “I’m such a failure, might as well give up,” I acknowledged it, learned from it, and kept going.
Progress isn’t perfection, friend. It’s just consistently moving in the right direction, even with stumbles along the way.
When to Get More Help
Real talk: if your compulsive spending has created serious debt, or if you suspect there’s something deeper going on (depression, anxiety, trauma), please consider talking to a professional. There’s zero shame in that. Sometimes we need more support than a blog post and a friend can offer.
And that’s wisdom, not weakness.
Here’s What I Want You to Know
I’ve seen so many people—myself included—break free from compulsive spending patterns. Not through superhuman willpower, but through getting honest, getting help, and getting intentional about change.
You’re not too far gone. Your situation isn’t too messy. Your debt isn’t too big. There’s hope, sister. Real, tangible, “this can actually change” hope.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
The freedom on the other side of this? It’s worth the discomfort of change. The peace of knowing your money is working for your future instead of feeding a compulsion? It’s incredible. The ability to be generous when opportunities arise because you’re not drowning in debt? That’s the abundant life we’re meant to live.
Let’s Take the Next Step Together
Look, I know this is heavy. And maybe you’re sitting here thinking “okay, I’m ready to change but where do I even start?”
That’s exactly why I created something to help. Not from a place of “I’ve got it all figured out” but from a place of “I’ve learned some things through my banking work and my own journey, and I want to share them with you.”
Download our free guide: “The Tired Achiever’s Guide to Credit Mastery” at https://shop.beacons.ai/thriven/15f39cbf-e419-4084-8d8a-b28c9aa3e241
This guide will help you:
- Finally understand what’s really going on in your credit report (without the shame)
- Create a realistic plan for dealing with debt from compulsive spending
- Build habits that actually stick (because willpower alone doesn’t work)
- Identify your triggers and develop strategies to handle them
- Find practical hope that change is possible
I’m not promising it’ll be easy. I’m promising it’ll be worth it. And I’m promising you won’t have to figure it out alone.
Your story doesn’t have to be defined by your spending patterns. There’s a different chapter waiting to be written—one where you’re the author, not a victim of impulses you can’t control.
Let’s write it together, yeah?
Ready to break free from compulsive spending? Download your free copy of “The Tired Achiever’s Guide to Credit Mastery” and let’s start this journey toward freedom together.
Elevate Finance Partners – Because we’re all works in progress, walking toward wisdom together.
P.S. – If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. Send this to a friend who might need to read it too. Sometimes we need to know we’re not the only ones struggling before we can take the first step toward change. ❤️